


Ideal

by The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight



Series: Celestial Songs [6]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: AkuSai Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Celestial Songs, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, LeaIsa Month 2020 (Kingdom Hearts), Light Angst, M/M, Musical Prompt Playlist, Post-Canon, Running Away, Self-Discovery, Songfic, Songs of the Sun and Moon, post kh3, slow burn without the slow, time lapse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight/pseuds/The_Clock_Strikes_Twilight
Summary: Lea enters the Lab alone that morning for the first time in a month and a half. And the room almost instantly falls silent as everyone takes notice.“Good morning,” Ienzo greets him, speaking first. Slowly and carefully. “Where—? Is Isa not feeling well?” He’s seemingly taking his phrasing into meticulous consideration.“No, he, uh—” Lea clears his throat. Well. Might as well just be blunt about the matter. “He’s gone.”
Relationships: Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Isa/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Celestial Songs [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820650
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	Ideal

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: "Utopia" by Within Temptation feat. Chris Jones
> 
> July 18th, Day 12 of LeaIsa/AkuSai Month 2020

_The burning desire to live and roam free_

_It shines in the dark and it grows within me_

_You’re holding my hand, but you don’t understand_

_So, where I am going, you won’t be in the end…_

Isa stands in the doorway of what’s been his bedroom for the last month and a half. He’s standing with a bag slung over his shoulder. Tch. He’s still surprised he even had enough to fill a single bag.

He takes a deep breath as he looks around the emptied room. He has spent the last two weeks mulling over this decision. Considering every possible conclusion. Weighing the good and the bad. Hmm. This isn’t going to be easy, but he knows it’s what he has to do. There’s no changing his mind now. He can’t. He has to go through with it. For his own sake.

The last ten years of his life have been wasted. Thrown away. Lost. And now that he’s regained control of his existence—regained his heart—he needs to make up for it. One way or another. He needs to experience all that he’s missed out on, but he needs to do it alone. Without relying on anyone else. Even if that means leaving behind—

He can’t stay any longer. The others will start waking up soon and he wants— _needs_ —to be gone before they do. He swallows hard as his gaze lands upon the note he’s left. His hand had been trembling so much as he wrote it; he’s not sure it’ll even be legible. It had to be written, though. It’s the closest he’ll get to saying goodbye. Because he doesn’t want to torture himself with goodbyes. Doesn’t have it in him. Besides, if he stays long enough to say goodbye in-person… Well, then he may not end up leaving, after all. And he can’t let that happen. He can’t stay. Hell, he never should’ve even returned. It still makes no sense to him that he did.

This place… This is where it all began. So, this isn’t where he wants it to end, too. Coming back was nice and all, but—But Isa doesn’t belong here anymore. And the last month and a half has made that abundantly clear.

One last glance around the room. One last deep, unsteady breath. He then adjusts the bag on his shoulder. Tightens his grip on the strap with his still shaky hands. And with that, he turns away. Walks away. Perhaps someday he’ll find his way back to this small world. Back to the people. Back to a normal life.

For now, though, he needs to find himself.

_I’m dreaming in colours of getting the chance_

_I’m dreaming of trying the perfect romance_

_The search of the door to open your mind_

_In search of the cure of mankind…_

Lea awakes with a start. His eyes shoot open and he lay in bed, unmoving, staring at the ceiling for a few long moments. That dream had been…different. Strange. In a good way, though. And the more he thinks it over, the less tense he feels about it. A small smile soon spreads its way across his lips. Hmm…yeah. He could definitely get used to a dream like that becoming a reality.

It takes two, though.

He throws the covers off himself and jumps out of bed to prepare for the day ahead. He’s not even sure where to start. Well, he should probably start with figuring out exactly how to word the dream without butchering it. Or without making it come across as…bizarre. Then again, the last decade of his life was pretty weird. So, the dream really shouldn’t be any different.

Except, considering _who_ he has to speak with about the dream… The discussion may be a bit more complicated than he wants to admit. Nevertheless, this isn’t the first time he’s had this dream—or one similar—in the last month and a half. So, it’s a conversation that needs to be had.

As soon as he leaves his bedroom, he makes his way to the next hall over. Follows it down to the last door on the left. He still has no idea exactly what he’s gonna say, but that’s not gonna stop him. So, he takes a deep breath, shaking his nerves, and knocks on the door. After a moment of waiting with no response, he knocks again. Still nothing. Huh. There’s no way he’s still sleeping…

He turns the knob and pushes the door open. The room is…empty. No, that’s not right. Each morning is the same. Each morning, they start their day together. And it starts when Lea stops by here to greet—

There’s a piece of paper on the bed. A note. He swallows hard before entering the room, walking over to the bed. He picks up what’s been left behind and reads through it. And with each word, his heart sinks lower and lower until it’s dropped into his stomach.

This can’t be real. It can’t be happening. There’s no way—

He takes another deep, calming breath. No. It’s okay. Of course it’s okay. And if it’s meant to be, it will be. And he knows that it’s meant to be. So, one day, it will be.

_Help us, we’re drowning_

_So closed up inside…_

Lea enters the Lab alone that morning for the first time in a month and a half. And the room almost instantly falls silent as everyone takes notice.

“Good morning,” Ienzo greets him, speaking first. Slowly and carefully. “Where—? Is Isa not feeling well?” He’s seemingly taking his phrasing into meticulous consideration.

“No, he, uh—” Lea clears his throat. Well. Might as well just be blunt about the matter. “He’s gone.”

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_

_Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?_

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_

_How will the lights die down, telling us who we are…?_

Riku’s brow furrows. “Wait… What do you mean he’s…gone?”

“I mean just that.” Lea shrugs his shoulders. “He left a note saying that he doesn’t feel like he fits in here and that he wants to be on his own for a while to figure out where he does belong.”

Demyx’s eyes widen. “No shit…” He lets out a short, incredulous chuckle. “What are you gonna do?”

Lea pauses, giving this inquiry some consideration. “What would I do?”

“Uh…go after him, maybe.”

Now Lea is the one laughing. “How the hell am I supposed to know where he’s gone or where to look for him? Besides, who am I to bring him back to a place he doesn’t want to be?”

There’s more silence. Lea looks around at the others, who all seem to be looking anywhere except at him. A small part of him wants to walk away. He doesn’t want to deal with this. The others may not realise, but they’ve still been critical of Isa. Of his behaviour and his mindset. Not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that Isa had picked up on.

“You’re okay with this?” Ienzo breaks the silence first again.

Yes. It is okay. Of course it’s okay. More than okay. That’s what Lea keeps telling himself, at least. But…that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. “Yeah,” he says. “If this is what Isa feels he needs, then… Then, yeah. I’m okay with it.” He pauses, swallowing hard. “I, uh, will be okay with it.”

Demyx folds his arms across his chest, quirking an eyebrow and clearly holding back a smirk. “Will be?”

Another pause as he purses his lips. “Y’know, I’m just gonna…go and…get some fresh air.” He turns to leave the Lab. “Later.”

Fresh air. Yeah. That’s what he needs. Fresh air to think. To clear his mind. A walk around Radiant Garden and maybe—Well, maybe Isa hasn’t gone far. Maybe he hasn’t even left the world. Maybe… Maybe Lea shouldn’t be wishing for that. Maybe he needs to find a way to truly be okay with it. Maybe he needs to learn let go. If it’s meant to be, it will be. If it’s meant to be—

If. That’s the part that scares Lea the most.

_I’m searching for answers, not given for free_

_You’re hurting inside, is there life within me?_

_You’re holding my hand, but you don’t understand_

_I’m taking the road all alone in the end…_

Sometimes Isa misses the convenience of traveling with the dark corridors. He misses the quick access to each world. Being able to leave a place whenever he wanted. Exactly when he would want to. That’s what he had grown accustomed to over the last ten years. Now these ten weeks have been…humbling, in a sense.

This experience as a whole has already been humbling. Sobering. Isa never truly realised just how much he had been missing. And just these last few weeks alone have been eye-opening. He hasn’t quite found what he wants, though. Then again, he’s not even entirely sure what it is he does want. Aside from rediscovering himself, he’s totally clueless. Hell, he wanted to learn to be independent, but he’s not sure how to be. All he knows is that he misses—

Damn it. Now that he’s been on his own for so long, Isa wishes he had stayed in Radiant Garden long enough to say goodbye. Especially to Lea. Tch. Even though Lea had been the one he had wanted to avoid. The one he knew would’ve tried changing his mind. The only one who would have been able to convince him to stay. That’s why he couldn’t say goodbye. And that’s what he keeps reminding himself of, but… Maybe staying wouldn’t have been so bad, after all.

No. Isa can’t think like that. He had to leave for a reason. He had to leave because—Well, because he didn’t…feel right. He felt out of place. Radiant Garden may have looked the same, but it wasn’t the same. It isn’t the same. It’s so different than how it was before the world had fallen to darkness all those years ago. And Isa could feel every single one of those differences in his bones. In the way the blood circulated his body. And it had been driving him mad. So, he left.

Now, here he is. In a world he doesn’t even know the name of. Surrounded by faces he doesn’t recognise. People he will never remember. Never… _get memorised_ … He chuckles under his breath, but the sensation quickly turns bittersweet. Solemn. Yeah, he sure as hell misses Lea. He misses talking with him. Misses seeing him every day after having a routine of just that for over a decade. Almost two decades, really. Because even before the Organisation they were always seeing each other.

He needs the space, though. And, frankly, he’s sure Lea could use it, too. He’s sure Lea is relieved to not have to put up with him every day anymore. To put up with his griping and moaning and…adjusting. His constant doubting and questioning and…not believing in himself… Hmm. Isa swallows hard before shaking his head. He shakes those negative thoughts out. This is all part of the journey. Part of the adventure. Part of rediscovering who he is. Just like being alone is part of it. He can’t figure out who he’s supposed to be if he has Lea guiding him every step of the way. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them. Especially Lea. Hell, he has his own life to figure out, after all. A life of being a Keyblade wielder. A life of being a Guardian of Light. A life that no longer includes Isa. A life Isa can’t find a place in.

So, Isa will just have to find a place of his own. A life of his own. On his own.

_I’m dreaming in colours, no boundaries are there_

_I’m dreaming the dream we all seem to share_

_In search of the door to open your mind_

_In search of the cure of mankind…_

It takes some time, but Isa finally comes across a world he feels comfortable in. A world that feels _right_ in. A world where no one questions his past. Where he came from. A world where no one stares for too long. No one whispers behind his back. No one cares about who he is. About what he does. No one cares about—

No one cares. And he’s okay with that. Not being cared about.

It still takes a few months to settle down. When he finally does, though, it’s great. He has all the quiet time he wants. He can go out to public places, but as soon as he’s had enough of it, he can go home. Or—Well…he can go back to where he lives. He’s still not sure if he would consider it _home_ , exactly. Home is—Radiant Garden will always be home. Even though it wasn’t his home for over a decade. And by the time he returned to the world, it no longer felt like home, so… Perhaps it won’t always be home. But if this place isn’t home and Radiant Garden isn’t home… What is?

These are the thoughts and questions that cloud his mind day-to-day. He tries his hardest not to think about such things. Tries not to bring himself down. It’s surprisingly difficult to keep himself from being negative so often, though. A bad habit he picked up from the Organisation, he presumes. A bad habit from being—From being that _monster_. He takes a deep breath. He also tries his damnedest to never use that name. He tries not to speak it. He tries not to even think it. He wants nothing to do with that name. Wants to separate himself from it as much as he can. So far, he thinks he’s done a pretty good job. Just like he feels he’s done a pretty good job at being on his own.

This particular day, Isa has spent a majority of the morning reading. When he looks up from his book, though, he can see through the window that it’s a beautiful day out. Huh. Perhaps he’ll go for a walk. Get out of the house. Get some fresh air. That could do him some good.

As soon as he steps out the front door, he takes a deep breath. The air is crisp. It burns his lungs a bit, but in a good way. In a great way.

He stuffs his hands in his jacket packets and starts on his walk. He doesn’t go in any specific direction. Has no destination in mind. Just walks aimlessly. Hmm. He thinks about a time when he couldn’t go anywhere without knowing exactly where he would end up. Now he can’t help but chuckle to himself about the matter. About how ridiculous that sounds. About—

He doesn’t necessarily enjoy thinking about the past. He will, from time to time, but he still prefers not to. That doesn’t keep him from dreaming, though. Daydreaming. Some days his mind will wander more than others. Some days it’ll wander farther. Far enough for him to get lost. And when that happens, he can’t always find his way back right away. Doesn’t always _want_ to come back. Because in his dreams—

There’s a loud crack of thunder that does bring Isa back to reality. He stops dead in his tracks. The sun has, in fact, disappeared behind dark clouds. He has no idea where they came from. Another crack of thunder and the sky opens up. Rain pours down, drenching him almost instantaneously. He pulls his jacket from his shoulders to hold it over his head as much as he can. Then he turns and makes a run for it. Except he doesn’t make it far before crashing right into someone.

_Help us, we’re drowning_

_So closed up inside…_

As soon as he hits the stranger, they both grab at each other as they collapse onto the wet ground. Isa turns them, landing on his back and allowing the stranger to practically fall on top of him.

“I am _so sorry_ ,” the stranger starts, placing both hands on either side of Isa to push up. “I definitely was not paying attention to—”

Isa’s heart stops as abruptly as the sentence when he sees exactly who it is that he had just crashed into. The breath catches in his throat. “Lea.”

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_

_Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?_

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_

_And when the lights die down, telling us who we are…_

“Isa,” the redhead says back, breathlessly. He smiles. “Hi…”

Heat rushes to Isa’s cheeks. “H-hi…” He’s so caught up in those green eyes that he almost forgets where they are. That half of him is in a puddle. “Uhm—”

Lea snaps back more quickly. “Shit. Sorry.” He finishes pushing himself off Isa and onto his knees, giving Isa space to prop himself on his elbow. Lea then gets back on his feet and reaches down to help Isa back to his, as well. He’s smiling again. “Isa, I—”

“Let’s get out of the rain,” Isa speaks up.

He nods, going along with the cut off. “Good idea.”

With that, Isa swiftly leads Lea back to his place. The walk there is quiet, aside from the sound of the pouring rain hitting the pavement. Isa glances over at the redhead every so often, only to find Lea staring back every single time. And as soon as they’re inside Isa’s house, Lea is reaching for him. Pulling him into his embrace. _Kissing him_. But the strangest part is that Isa is kissing him back. Except…it’s not strange at all. It’s—

It’s all he’s ever dreamed of.

“You—have no idea—” Lea starts between kisses, “—just how much—I’ve missed you.”

Isa smiles against his lips. “I think—” He pulls away long enough to breathe and presses their foreheads together. “I think I have some semblance of an idea.”

He returns the smile. “Y’know…maybe we should get out of these wet clothes,” he goes on, running his hands over Isa’s back. “Warm each other up.”

He blushes. Hard. “That may not be such a bad idea.”

They’re kissing again. Lea pushes Isa’s jacket off his shoulders, and it falls to the floor. Lost. Forgotten. Their feet are moving, and the next thing Isa knows, he’s being pressed against the wall.

Time slows down. He gets lost under Lea’s touch. Gets lost in shades of reds and blues and greens. Colours that blur and blend together. And he’s never felt more at home than now, in Lea’s arms. His name has never sounded better being said by any other voice. No other name has felt better than Lea’s on his own lips. And now Isa never wants to look at anything other than Lea. Never wants to think about anything else. Never—

He never wants to lose him. Especially now that they’re together again. Together…after all this time…again… It’s almost too good to be true.

Time comes to a standstill. And Isa wants to exist in this single moment for the rest of his life. Right here. With Lea. Forever. In this moment where nothing else matters. Nothing except them. The way they fit so perfectly together. Like two stars that make up their very own constellation.

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_

_Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?_

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on utopia?_

_And when the lights die down, telling us who we are…_

Lea is up before Isa. He props himself up on his elbow and watches his sleeping form. The steady rise and fall of his chest. He smiles softly at the sight of him. After how long it’s been… Hell, he wasn’t sure this day would ever come. The day he would actually see Isa again. It’s a dream come true. Last night has been a dream come true.

He softly brushes a strand of Isa’s hair out of his face and behind his hair. Isa shifts ever so slightly but still doesn’t awaken. Lea leans forward and places the lightest of kisses upon his forehead. Then he slips out of bed and makes his way for the kitchen he briefly recalls seeing the previous day. Once he’s in the room, he grabs the carafe to brew a pot of coffee. As soon as it’s finished, he turns to see Isa coming out of the bedroom.

Lea smiles. “Perfect timing.”

He notices a hint of colour rise in Isa’s cheeks. “Good morning,” he says.

Isa joins Lea in the kitchen. He opens one of the tall cabinets, pulling two mugs out and handing them over to Lea. He takes them, filling them both before handing one back over to Isa. He gladly accepts it and takes a sip from it. Lea watches him for a moment before smiling again. He still can’t believe this is real. Isa is here. He’s here with Isa. For the first time in—

“How did you find me?” Isa asks, breaking the silence.

Lea swallows hard. “Uh…” He clears his throat. “I actually didn’t come here looking for you. This is just a pleasant surprise.” He watches Isa again. Watches and waits for some sort of reaction. A reaction that never comes. “I’m here for, uh…Keyblade business.”

Isa takes another sip. “You’ve come a long way.”

His brow furrows. “Is that all you have to say? I mean, we don’t see each other for nearly three years and—”

Isa chokes on his current sip. “Three years?”

Lea lets out a little chuckle. “What? You lose track of time or something?” He sets his cup down and steps up to Isa before pulling his cup out of his hand and setting it down, as well. He then proceeds to wrap his arms around Isa’s waist. “Did I mention I’ve missed you?”

Another blush. “You may have.” He slides his hands up Lea’s still-bare chest and to his shoulders. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Lea presses their foreheads together. “Come home.” He knows it’s a crazy request. That Isa had left for a reason. Probably left with the intention of never returning, but— “I can’t stand the idea of never seeing you. And now that I have seen you again…” He kisses him deeply. “Please. I need you.”

Isa breathes deep. “I hadn’t been planning—”

“I figured as much. But it’s been killing me not knowing if you’ve been okay.”

He pulls away. Arms-length. And it’s too far for Lea’s liking. But the look on Isa’s face is— “Wait…you _figured_ I wouldn’t come back?”

Lea pauses. “Well…you left. Without even saying goodbye, better yet. So, yeah, I guess that kinda left the impression that you just weren’t planning on coming back.”

Isa fully steps away now. Out of Lea’s arms. Out of his reach. “Maybe you should go.”

“What? Isa—”

“I wouldn’t want to get in the way of your important…Keyblade business.”

He doesn’t know how to react. How to respond. “Isa, c’mon, why—? Why are you acting like this?”

Isa only shakes his head as he retraces the steps that they took the previous day, gathering all of Lea’s discarded clothing and handing them over to him. Lea tosses his shirt on and hops into his pants as he continues to watch Isa. Watches as he crosses the room, making his way for the front door. Watches as he opens the front door and gestures out of it.

“You’re serious?” Lea speaks up.

“You should go,” Isa says again.

“Why? Because you actually me to or because you’re afraid to feel something?”

He closes his eyes. “Go. Please.”

Lea still isn’t sure what he should say. So, he doesn’t say anything at all. He just does as Isa asks. As he pleases. He leaves. And once he’s stepped out the door, he glances over his shoulder to get one last look at Isa. At least, he would have taken one last look at him had the door not been slammed in his face. He lets out a small breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding. A huff of disbelief.

“If it’s meant to be, it will be,” he says to himself. “Tch. Wishful thinking.”

_Why does it rain?_

As soon as Lea is out the door, Isa lets out a shaky breath. This is for the best, right? It has to be. Not like Lea had come here to find him anyhow. He came for _Keyblade business_. Isa had just been the pleasant surprise. Lea got what he wanted and now—Tch. Yeah. _Lea_ got what he wanted. Isa got what he wanted, too. And he just let him walk right out the door. All because he asked him to come home. Except Isa was home. Because the moment he saw Lea again he realised that home isn’t a place. It’s a person. It’s—

Home is Lea.

Isa looks out the window to see that it’s still raining. Huh. How had he not noticed that when he had opened the door? When—

When he let Lea go.

He jumps into action, throwing on whatever clothes he finds first. Then he bolts out the front door. Into the rain. He’s not even sure if it closed behind him, but he doesn’t care. He can’t care. The only thing he cares about is running. Catching up to Lea. Because he was stupid for letting him go. Making him go. He can’t lose him.

“ _Lea_ ,” he calls out as soon as he spots the redhead.

Lea stops and first looks over his shoulder before turning his whole body. He’s already smiling. Already opening his arms. And Isa practically jumps right into them, tossing his arms around Lea’s neck and kissing him. Lea’s arms fold around him as he reciprocates the kiss.

“You wouldn’t actually leave without me, right?” Isa asks once he breaks apart.

He runs one hand through Isa’s soaked hair, still smiling. “Never.” He recaptures his lips for another searing kiss. “Does this mean you’ll come home?”

Isa’s not sure if it’s rain or tears running down his cheeks. “I’ll go anywhere you go.”

Lea quirks an eyebrow. “Anywhere?”

Huh. Perhaps they’re both rain and tears. Tch. And Isa thought Lea was supposed to be the crybaby. _Anywhere_? What a foolish question. Anywhere means just that. “Anywhere. Because so long as I’m with you—” he strokes what’s most likely both rain and tears from Lea’s cheeks, as well. Before he can finish his sentence, though, Lea is kissing him again. He chuckles between their lips. “Lea…”

He grins. “Yeah? So long as you’re with me?”

“So long as I’m with you…” So long as Isa is with Lea, then he’s secure. He’s sound. He belongs. He’s— “…I’m home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow this event on both twitter and tumblr using #CelestialSongs
> 
> twitter: @/LadySage08  
> tumblr: the-clock-strikes-twilight


End file.
